Egypt - a Guide for Westerners

One of the Egyptians I work with shared this video with me. The producer wanted to make the cartoon to show how Egypt differs culturally from Europe. He probably was just trying to be informative, but from the perspective of a westerner living in Egypt, it has to be the funniest, truest thing I have ever seen.

Driving in Egypt - a guide for Westerners

After a 9 month hiatus from journaling, I have decided to re-open with my rather secular, but remarkable and easily forgettable observations on driving in Egypt.

First of all, I was hoping that the revolution, aside from improving civil liberties, would also result in safer, more intelligent driving. My hopes have been squashed.

Tips for westerners to remember when driving in Egypt:

1. Driving in Egypt is the vehicular manifestation of life lived purely in self-interest and without social cooperation.
2. Right-of-way at traffic circles is exactly opposite of Europe. If you are on the traffic circle then you yield to those entering the traffic circle. That's right, you frequently find traffic circles jammed with cars yielding to miniscule flow of cars from feeding roads. Perhaps it is the Egyptians clever thinking "the right has the right of way." This unwritten rule is also a window into the mind of the Egyptian.
3. Nose position matters. If the front of the car next to you is slightly ahead of yours, the car that is in front has the right-of-way. This is also how I have effectively navigate traffic circles using European rules.
4. Honks (part 1) have inflections with meanings. When I observe stupidity I typically lay on the horn, which is perceived as a sign of anger, which in turn somehow makes me the bad guy for being angry at the stupidity.
5. Honks (part 2) when beeped in short continuous stacatto somehow give the right of way to the honker (usually a mini-bus driver) to weave through traffic and cut you off or tailgate you and get angry with you even though they are being stupid.
6. Continuous honks (part 3) LONG-LONG-SHORT-SHORT-SHORT are celebratory.
   
7. 90' left turns are the devil. Egyptians are not ambi-turners. To execute a left turn, typically you must turn right, then proceed down the highway (opposite the direction you wish to go) to make a U-turn and proceed in the direction you desire.
8. In Cairo, a city of 20million, there are almost no stop lights. The stop lights that do exist are ignored. Traffic police are expected to direct traffic but generally do a piss-poor job. To direct traffic they use small hard-to-see non-standard hand signals.
   
9. Egyptians do not plan ahead when driving. Despite the need and/or desire to (for example) to take an exit, they will drive in the left lane (of a 4-lane highway) and veer suddenly without signaling and at the last minute across traffic to take the exit with no sign of remorse - and in fact expect those in the lanes they are cutting off to yield.
10. Egyptians can easily turn a 3 lane highway into a 5 lane traffic jam and turn a 3 lane highway into one lane traffic jam (Lanes, Part A).
    
11. (Lanes, Part B) The lines on the road mean nothing.
12. (Lanes, Part C) Think about how many times you wished you could use the entire width of pavement to allow for more traffic to get through. Then realize you are a civilized rule-follower and that the extra built-in pavement you enjoy in a civilized country (looking apparently un-utitlized) allows room for reaction, space in the case of an accident or vehicle breakdown, or a place to move over when yielding to emergency vehicles.
13. No speed limits. Or if there are, they're not enforced.
14. Signals mean nothing. And everything. A left turn signal may mean that you can pass on the left, or something else, but it almost certainly doesn't mean that the vehicle is going to turn left.
15. Headlights evidently also have multiple meanings, like honks. Typically an Egyptian flashing their headlights is a friendly reminder that you have your lights on (usually at night). That's right. At night. During the day it might mean that they think they recognize you and want you to stop in the middle of traffic to say hello.
    
16. In the government's recognition of Tip#1,7,8,10,11, and 12, the road builders erect huge curbs to force cars along prescribed routes and unspoken rules. Imagine cars as fish and the road the waterway. The fish are funneled.
17. Just because you are driving on a two-lane divided highway doesn't mean that some Egyptian observing Tip #1 won't come the opposite way on your side honking their horn (Tip #5) and flashing their headlights (Tip #15).
18. While Egyptian road construction is piss poor, with no apparent leveling, it is quite amazing that they keep their roads relatively pothole free as they are with the heat. Nonetheless, they are quite bumpy. Despite being bumpy, Egyptians are horribly averse to being bumped and in light traffic swerve to avoid bigger bumps like the plague (see Lanes, Part A). They slow down to a crawl to go over speed bumps, effectively making a traffic jam (again, see Lanes, Part A).
19. The road is also a good place for donkey carts to travel.
20. The road is also a good place to stand while waiting for a bus. Plus, the further out into the road you stand, the more chance there is that somebody will slow down for you.
21. Pedestrian right-of-way. Rule A: if pedestrian is not moving, they have the right-of-way. Rule B: if the pedestrian is moving, cars have the right-of-way. Alternate Rule A: if you don't make eye contact with pedestrian, cars of the right-of-way. Alternate Rule B: if you make eye contact, pedestrian has right-of-way.
22. Egyptians are chronically fatigued so don't be surprised if they fall asleep at the wheel.
23. As bad as Egyptian drivers are, the worst are undoubtedly hijab-clad women.
    
24. You know you've been in Egypt too long when you begin to believe that new-looking, non-dented cars must have magical properties.